Member-only story
Not a Single Regret
Rewards of abandoning the quest for an LTR (Sorry for the pun)
Doing productive stuff with men is highly rewarding and often loads of fun. I love men for that. Since the 80’s I was often the only female on crews: building stage sets, racing sailboats or shooting & editing sports videos.
I Quit the Quest
Trying to form a successful romantic or long term relationship with a person of the opposite sex (how I happen to be wired) was the medical definition of insanity. I tried for decades. Some woman are good at it. I wasn’t. Other women chose wisely. I didn’t.
In 2005 I quit cold turkey. Fortunately for me that was right around menopause when dudes were no longer turning to look at my ass when passing on the sidewalk. (The benefits of aging are another story.) But my hard won advice has value for women of any age who become aware of a dismal, unwavering pattern of everything from unfortunate dates to repeated, dashed hopes of something more permanent to abuse in its many forms.
Over and over I looked over the bio, believed it and took him on. I would invest hope, emotional energy, physical energy and yes, money into a promising prospect. After weeks or months the hope was gone. If the gods were merciful it was days — when they weren’t it was years. When hope goes, the willingness to continue a commitment (usually one-sided) ends. A heart breaks. An eating disorder blossoms.
The End can be triggered by anything from a slowly evolving self awareness to a muddy erosion of trust to abrupt and stunning betrayals. Those last are the worst. One left me binge watching movies where armies of men get run through with broadswords… and I’m a romcom kind of gal.
Now for the good part
Giving up is EASY. All you have to do is like yourself, your own company, pursuing your ideas and all those great (possibly neglected) girlfriends more than boy trauma. If you’re not sure where you want to invest all that glorious new time, well, here’s even better news. Within a few miles of you are at least fifty different classes, workshops and volunteer opportunities with people you can laugh with — everything from learning to make jewelry to hiking to kitchens preparing food for…
