Step Away from the Dating Site. Walk Out of the Bar.

How to find the women you aren’t meeting now but want to.

Mernie Buchanan
4 min readNov 26, 2021


San Francisco Conservatory, photo by mernie buchanan

This morning I had every good intention to keep going on my novel, even though I should really get down to my art studio because that is where real income happens. But I surfed Medium for amusement instead. Clicked an interesting headline. I Work In Porn. I Know Why So Many Men Are Single — A look into the frustrating world of dating as a man.

The author made many great points, but didn’t go quite far enough when she suggested working on oneself… something we all need to do probably every day. She also missed the most obvious solution to the dating conundrum.

This is not fresh new advice, I’m only reiterating what should be repeated yet again… and I have seen it work miraculously time and time again.

Improve yourself. Make yourself more dateable in a win win arena of possibility where the women you want to meet hang out. And if that special someone isn’t there, you will still come out enhanced and with new friends… while paying a whole lot less for bar tabs, or inching closer to your credit limit with dating sites. It’s not that hard.

Join a group. An actual group of real people.

The hard part is figuring out what you want or need. This could be anything from working on a chronic bad habit to gaining a new skill to frivolous entertainment. Any one of these suggestions will land you in a place where women who share your interests will be hanging out in ones or twos or droves. And it will hardly cost you anything. Here’s my (incomplete) list from frivolity to more serious self care:

On the community message board at your local library you will find Board Game Night. No? Try the Mystery Book Club or any book club. Join a writers group. Volunteer with the Friends and sort donations. Your library is where the free possibilities are. Also, check your local community center. Helping to clean up hiking trails gets you around outdoorsy gals. Helping in kitchens that feed the less fortunate gets you around giving gals. With Habitat for Humanity you can meet the women who use tools and fix stuff. They might humble you. We can all use some of that.



Mernie Buchanan

Originally from CA & Las Vegas, I now paint and write in Woodstock NY. All images are my original art & photos. Links to more at