Member-only story
Psycho Hell Both Personal & Political — Still Not There Yet pg200
Colorful companion to my memoir The Incompetent Psychic
After a year and a half of this depressing depression I finally went out in the garden to pray. When things get that desperate I’ll try anything short of recently invented pharmaceutical brain chemicals.
“I’m not asking that this awful ache be removed, but if there is some way to let me know why I have to go through this, it would help me bear it,” I pleaded to the Great Whatever. The very next night in a women’s meeting someone gave me a speaker tape. I stuck it in my cassette player and hit play.
The woman telling her story was a nun. She described her years of secret alcoholism and her journey to stop. Then she described a long period of depression she had fallen into about five years into sobriety. Her words echoed the bitter sadness of exactly how I had been living and feeling for too long
“And then I prayed,” this gentle voice continued. Her prayer was identical to mine the night before. “I then meditated for two weeks until the answer came to me.”
“This horrible depression was a karmic debt I owed to myself for years and years of using alcohol to suppress my feelings and emotions,” she continued. “I needed a period of time to…
